Project Butterfly Day 2: Get out and feel the sunshine

I took R out to the park on Day 2. It was an impromptu thing. The weather was good, and I wanted her out of the house. Yes! Get out and feel the sunshine!

Her house, is her home and her workplace. A home-maker's job will never finish! You know one of those days when you wake up and you dont want to do go to work? What about when you didnt want to do anything at all? Just laze in bed... undisturbed. Well, guess what? It never happens for R. She is the first one to wake up, the last one to bed.

I saw a patch of white hair on her head. Breaks my heart. She's constantly in pain, physically. From all my practice in body works, when our emotional wellness is not taken care of/heeded, stress moves on to create more damage physically.

A walk in the park

We had this talk about how friends in our 30s, married, with or without kids, are heading for divorce. Matrimonial breakdowns. The changes that happen in the external environment and our inability to cope. The dynamics of the relationship when one party successfully climbed in his/her career, and the other plateaued. The terrible syndrome of the one who gets left behind.

Maybe it is an Asian thing. We have this in-built standard for ourselves. And when we dont match it, we get depressed.

I always tell people to understand themselves first. What do I like/dont like? What do I want/dont want? What can/cant I take/accept?

A wise friend once told me in college: "Think about the worst thing about your partner and ask yourself if you can accept it? If yes, then its the right one. If no, then breakup as fast as possible! The longer you wait, the harder it will be (to break up)." 

A true mantra for me, among many other mantras in my life ;)

Somehow or rather, in life, things will change. Hopefully for the better, sometimes for the worst.. but can we keep up, or would we stagnate?

What the movies never taught us.. What's happily ever after like? Watch all the movies, and cartoons, and you'd get pain pain pain pain pain.. and then the guy comes running for the girl, and then taddaaaaa! HAPPILY EVER AFTER! What is that? It was ingrained in our minds that once we get together/married, that's it! Happily ever after is granted!

Yeah. Right.

Effective communication, empathy, understanding, tact, balance.. so many things that we need to master in a relationship. Responsibility, ownership, acceptance, appreciation, caring, loving.. so many more! How are we to cope? Is happiness an end result? Or is it a process?

I think first and foremost, people need to ask themselves: "Who am I? What do I want?"

My favourite quote from Sun Tzu's Art of War:

"Understand yourself. Understand others. A thousand battles fought, a thousand battles won."   

mm.. great legs on this one ;)

R, told me "I am lost. I dont know what I want."

I told her "Great! Then follow me till you decide what you want."

I see little improvements. That's a milestone in R's shoes! Well done, babe! Let's keep busy and focus on feeding the little girl inside of you... You need to be happy. When you are happy, you can continue making everyone else happy ;)

Luv, 

Jane